On the run (For salio)

[elementsofchaos]

Back in Ohio again. He's not in Cincinnati this time, maybe an hour or two east, but it's far enough from his previous stopping point in Michigan that he feels as close to safe as he ever does. The further from the Thermopolis compound he gets, the more he can breathe, though he never dares to hope for a full deep breath. He parks on a suburban street near a small brownstone apartment building, sliding open the Grotto's side door to enjoy a little night air. If he smoked, he probably would've lit up, but as it is he simply sits on the floorboards and hangs his legs out the open door. Maybe he should take off his sneakers, feel the grass between his toes for a bit. But no, he always has to be ready to leave at a moment's notice when he's in civilization. There's no telling who could be an agent of his family, willing or unwitting.

Jovan heaves a sigh, turning his attention up to the sky. It's cloudy, he wishes he could see the stars. There's a heaviness to the air, something ominous, but it doesn't feel like a storm. Hard to tell if it's all in his head, but he stills himself and his breathing to listen.

There are sirens in the distance.

Comments

[elementsofchaos]

“Yeah.” Jovan sips his coffee and pets Gizmo and tries really hard not to think about how this could mess up all his hard work over the last couple of years. Another person is an anchor slowing him down, allowing for slip-ups and cracks in his disguises. He has to be even more careful with securing food at the same time needing more of it. Everything about this is a terrible idea.

Yet he can’t bring himself to chase Sal off. Humanity is something he cherishes almost obsessively, and pushing Sal away would be the same as damaging the humanity he wants to preserve in himself. His family thinks they’re above normal people. Jovan knows his family is nothing more than a collection of twisted, broken puppets manipulated by powerful forces. Keeping Sal close is like hanging onto a piece of what he’s at risk of losing forever.

[salio]

Sal watches the sky as it slowly lights up more than he drinks his tea, though he does still take the idle sip. By the time that the gloomy gray has lit into a light, clear blue, the tea has started to chill, Sal's stomach has settled, and he doesn't want to talk about what happened any more than he did minutes earlier.

He glances briefly at Sebastian, at here Gizmo now sits purring and content, and takes a breath.

He's kind.

It's not courage that he's feeling, really, nor is it comfort...but there's a resolve there. Sal can work with it.

"Whatever crazy looks like to you...this might be worse. I don't blame you for whatever you might think of me." Turning the mug around between his fingers, he asks: "do you believe in evil? Like, irredeemable, devoid of anything human, evil?"

[elementsofchaos]

Jovan has seen evil. He's brushed against auras that seethed with hate and malice, felt corruption that sinks beyond bone deep. It's evil that he swears only wears a human skin but has nothing human beneath. It's on the news every day: prejudice and rage, crime, people hurting people. He knows the source, the natural influenced by the supernatural. Chaos might have its place in the world, but that doesn't mean he likes some of what results from its influence. It's why he's running, why he resists. He doesn't want to be a very large part of that grinding, erratic machine.

But he knows there are things outside the effect of chaos as he knows it, forces that are chaotic but not part of the elements he was born to serve. There are true monsters that don't answer to the Seven or the Scion, and keeping them under control is also part of his family's role. No chaos but their own, after all. He's different. He fights because he loves humanity, not out of his family's sense of superiority.

"Yeah," he answers softly, without hesitation.

[salio]

"Okay."

As he says it, Sal takes a breath, clearly psyching himself up for what he has to explain. He's not sure if belief will actually translate to believing his story, but...the response was so immediate in its quiet affirmation that Sal feels a spark of something inside his gut. Hope, maybe? He's not sure. It's hard to really read from buried beneath the anxiety.

"The town you found me in is called Nockfell. I moved there several years ago with my Dad and...almost immediately uncovered that the apartment complex we were living in had a pretty dark history." He sets the mug down so he can rub his palms down his borrowed sweats, clenching his fingers into the soft fabric. "For awhile we--me and the other kids that lived in the other units--thought that was it. Just history, right? But then we stumbled, and I mean that pretty literally, into...more."

Taking another breath, Sal shakes his head. No, he doesn't have to get into all of it. There are so many details--all gruesome. So he summarizes it all, into what the whole series of events ultimately boiled down to:

"Nockfell is home to a cult that calls themselves The Devourers of God. They want to unleash a demon into the world. They want to infect...everything."

[elementsofchaos]

A cult. Of course it's a fucking cult.

Because isn't that basically what his family is? Insular, isolated, driven to a single-minded purpose. While they're not out to destroy the world, there are individuals within the family that want power over those without their abilities. There's a sense of superiority that pervades most of the Mathesons, at least those whose minds aren't too far gone.

And they don't have to unleash anything into the world. The powers they serve are already here. They've always been here, long before the Mathesons or anyone else. They are the world, they're all worlds.

Jovan can't help the way his eyes narrow and his breathing changes as his whole body goes tense. The cult Sal describes is the kind of force his family would seek to crush, simply to preserve the balance of chaos in the world. Even they understand that too much chaos is destructive, and a demon running amok is exactly that: unnatural chaos versus natural chaos. And now he's caught up in this shit when he's trying to steer clear of his own troubles. Why does he have to be so soft-hearted?

"Fuck," he whispers, closing his eyes. "I still believe you, Sal. I really do. The blood... you fought them? Or did you escape a slaughter?" Either way, the pity he feels for the other boy is only growing by the moment.

[salio]

Sal's quiet for a moment. I still believe you, he says, and he has to let that sink in. He had hoped, of course, but it was different hearing those words without an undertone of skepticism. Without nervous looks and awkward laughter. All the signs that Sebastian is secretly or not-so-secretly super weirded out by that was just dropped on him.

And then he asks his follow-up questions. Any thought Sal might've had wondering if Jovan's experienced something like this before tumbles out of him. Because this is the worst part of the story. This is what makes him a monster.

"No," he starts, knuckles turning white as he clenches his fists even harder. He shakes his head, letting out a breath. "I mean...yes. I did. I fought them. But I was...I was too late. And everyone was...was already..."

[elementsofchaos]

Sal's so young and he had to fight a cult as a normal person. And for what? With the anxious, defeated posture and shaking voice, it's not hard to infer that he failed to save anyone. Jovan hates his family, but at least they're still alive. If everyone he knew was dead, he'd be free, but he'd also be completely alone. No wonder having Gizmo back is such a relief to the poor guy.

His heart aching with sympathy, Jovan lays a hand on Sal's shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze. "It's okay, you don't have to say it. I'm not trying to bring up trauma that's still fresh. Just remember it's not your fault. Those fuckers are the ones to blame, not you."

[salio]

Sal flinches as Sebastian puts a hand on his shoulder--not because the touch is unwelcome, but because of what he hasn't said. He shakes his head again, but this time his whole body starts to quake again.

"No, I have to tell you. It all happened so fast--we'd been keeping tabs on the cult for years, thinking we'd be prepared when they decided to do something big but, but..."

He sucks in air, sliding off the van and landing on his feet, taking a couple steps away. He can't look at Sebastian in the face as he admits it, can't bear to see just what kind of horror might cross that kind expression.

"All of a sudden, everyone...everyone in the whole apartment complex...they were gone. But not their bodies. If I'd let them live on like that, corrupted...I'd already seen what they would turn into. So I, I took a knife and I--I went door to door and I--"

Sal's hands grip into his hair.

The blood. All that blood. All over him. All over everything.

"I had no choice."

[elementsofchaos]

… it’s so much worse than he’d thought.

There’s horror in Jovan’s expression, but no trace of disgust. There’s only pity and sorrow. How strong does a person have to be to kill the people they love to save their souls? No wonder Sal was such a broken wreck when Jovan found him. That blood wasn’t even dry yet. Sal probably still sees the ghost of it on his hands.

And he knows this isn’t a psychotic break, not the result of a crazed delusion. He would feel that kind of chaos in Sal’s aura, having experienced it enough in his family. Sal was sane when he did the deed, and he wielded that knife out of love. There’s no way Jovan could be afraid of someone that selfless.

“Yeah, you did.” He slips off the deck and approaches, gripping both of Sal’s shoulders this time. “You had a choice, and you took the tougher route when you didn’t have to. You saved them even when it meant ruining your own life. I don’t know too many people who could do that. Most would just… run.”

Like I did.

[salio]

It's a shock when Sal feels hands steadying him--and he realizes just how close he felt to falling apart all over again. He swallows thickly, eyes shutting tight. His hands clench and unclench. He was expecting horror, revulsion--everything that he can't stop feeling at himself. Even now, he can't process anything different. It feels too impossible. Taking one gasping breath after another, he finally manages to come up with something to say.

"How...how can you be so kind to me?"

[elementsofchaos]

He can't tell Sal the full reason, of course. How could he explain his ability to read the pressure and vibration of auras, picking up the mental states of people with supernatural senses? It's a unique skill even amongst the most talented members of his family. Even if Sal believed him, there's little chance the traumatized boy would feel safe with someone who can effectively sense his emotions. And none of this approaches the fact that Jovan is still on the run, when leaving any loose threads is dangerous to his continued freedom.

But he can be honest about part of why he helped Sal, why he still wants to help after that horrific revelation. "Because I know you need it right now. You're not a monster."

It hurts to need help and not be able to find it anywhere. Sal has suffered enough, and Jovan can't stop his own stupid, soft heart.

[salio]

Slowly, Sal dares to turn around so he can glance up at Sebastian. Sure enough, he looks so...sad. So understanding. He swallows again, but seems to be calming again, a little bit at a time. Still, it's hard to know what to do or what to say after giving such an admission, especially when he expected it to result in complete rejection...maybe even worse.

"You might be the only one who thinks that."

And anyone else who knew Sal, anyone close enough to hear the news...they'll soon enough think he's a monster, too. He doubts even Ashley would understand.

[elementsofchaos]

Sighing, Jovan guides Sal back to the van and gently urges him to sit down. "Look, I'm... kinda good at laying low. Family pressure and all that, when I want to live my own life." It's a safe version of the story, when used infrequently. "We stay away from Nockfell, help you keep on the down-low, and you learn how to survive on the fringes. It's not glamorous or easy, but it's better than whatever you probably would've dealt with if you'd stayed. I'm not going to ditch you, as long as you respect my boundaries, okay?"

Like not asking too many questions or trying to follow him when he goes off alone for a few hours. Small thing to ask, right?

[salio]

"You really..."

Sal sits, considering his words as his fingers knit together and grip one another tightly. Underneath his mask, Sal chews on the part of his mouth that still has lips.

"You don't mind me being around? You'd be harboring a fugitive and I...I'd really hate to repay you for what you've done by putting you in a position like that."

But damn if he doesn't want to just say yes. It wouldn't make him feel better, exactly, but at least he wouldn't have the dread of being stranded with no survival skills hanging over his head. He'd likely get found and arrested before he even had the chance to starve out in the wilderness.

[elementsofchaos]

"Let's just say I'm... uniquely qualified to do this. And before you ask, no, I don't have a record or anything. I'm just really used to being off-grid and living really under the radar."

He knows really well how risky this is. But the thought of leaving Sal to whatever fate awaited him in Nockfell doesn't sit well with Jovan at all. Something about the place felt off when he wasn't drowning in the despair of Sal's aura.

"We're going to be zig-zagging around the country at random. Sometimes in cities, sometimes out in the woods. You'll have to help out, so I'll teach you about wilderness survival and foraging, as well as urban stealth camping. But don't expect to put down roots anywhere. If you're with me, you're a nomad for the duration." His voice hasn't been loud or stern, but it softens further now. "But it's a chance I feel like you deserve, to make up for the pain of what you had to do."

[salio]

Sal nods quietly. He'd be pretty hard-pressed to believe, at this point, that any possible crime Sebastian could be guilty of would be any more horrific than what he's done, or what the cult was actively doing. The first nod seems a bit automatic, but when a second one comes, there's a deep breath that accompanies it. Resolve.

"I can do that. Home for me isn't really Nockfell so much as the people I live with." A pained hesitation. "That I lived with."

He wants to chew at his nails until they're red and aching but his mask stops him from the compulsion.

"I don't know anything about camping, but I'm happy to help. It's...really the least I can do, if you're going this far out on a limb for me."

[elementsofchaos]

"Good. Tomorrow, I'm teaching you wild foraging. Have you ever gone fishing before, either?"

In some ways, urban stealth camping is tougher than being in the woods. You have to blend into society, make a large vehicle seem like work equipment rather than someone's home while out in the open. But being outside away from civilization comes with its own challenges. He's definitely not expecting Sal to gather mushrooms anytime soon.

"I think the distractions will help you. Focus on living, instead of what you left behind." Water and soil, to wipe away blood and shadow.

[salio]

"No. It was something...something my dad talked about, but there was never really a good time." Always something going on. If not something traumatic and awful, just life being the way it was. A single dad trying to make ends meet, a growing boy with a lot of issues just trying to navigate through the complexities of academia. At least it hadn't been so lonely once he met Larry and the others.

Instinctively, Sal reaches for Gizmo, who hasn't moved from his spot on the edge of the van.

"I hope so. I can't remember the last time I thought about something...normal." The demons were always there, in the back of his mind. His nightmares. All around him, reminders of how dangerous and bizarre his life was. Keeping him looking over his shoulder...and he had one hell of a blind spot.

[elementsofchaos]

"... guess you got bullied a lot, huh?" He taps his cheek with a fingertip, indicating Sal's mask. "Doesn't matter what happened to you or how or any of that, kids can be cruel. Even ones in your own family. I have a cousin who's a complete asshole, we hate each other's guts."

Of course, he's not saying anything about how that cousin would kill him for his power....

Normal. There's a word Jovan has wanted to understand his entire life, but no matter what he does, he's only ever pretending. He can't ever be normal. The reminders of how precarious his freedom is, how bizarre his life is, are all around him. They're a part of him.

"I try not to think about anything but the moment, maybe a couple steps ahead. Every time I try planning long-term, I want to scream. Life just loves messing with people like us, I guess. But sometimes, we don't have a choice, we have to keep going because stopping and letting it run us over is worse. Maybe that's my normal."

[salio]

Sebastian says people like us and Sal doesn't feel at all, somehow, like he's far off base. Whatever this guy's story was, it clearly lead him to live a nomadic lifestyle. Most people don't just do that for fun. Listening to Sebastian talk, Sal feels himself relax more, at least physically. There's only so relaxed he can really feel, right now. It'll take a lot longer to be truly at ease--and that's not something he can even imagine.

"Yeah," he agrees after a moment of quiet. "I feel like screaming sometimes, too."

Gizmo starts purring underneath his thin fingers and polished nails.

"So...what are we doing, today?"

[elementsofchaos]

"Should start off easy. I'm gathering mushrooms, which you're not doing until you're more experienced. But it's pawpaw season so I'll teach you about those. You feel confident enough to try fishing, too?"

He's got enough dry goods for a while, though they'll only last half as long with a second person. That means more foraging to compensate. Chanterelles should be around, maybe some chicken of the woods or even trumpet of the dead if they're really lucky. "If there's anything you can't eat, let me know. Otherwise there's no room to be picky."

[salio]

"What...is a pawpaw?"

Sounds weird. City boy turned small-town-boy clearly only knows so much. But at least the prospect of doing something seems to calm him down more. After giving Sebastian a chance to explain, he clears his throat.

"Anyway, I'm not picky. Some things are a little hard for me to eat without it being a mess but I can manage anything, really. I don't know if I'd say I'm feeling confident about much, right now, but if you give me a fishing pole I'll give it my best effort."

[elementsofchaos]

"Wild fruit, kinda looks like a fat banana with big seeds. It even tastes like banana custard with hints of mango and pineapple. Usually you cut them in half and squeeze the pulp into your mouth, but you have to spit out the seeds." Jovan pauses, biting his lip nervously. Something Sal just said makes him wonder if spitting out seeds is impossible. Asking the question hovering on his lips, however, feels intrusive and wrong. Sal's already been through so much. What if talking about what lies beneath that mask is another trigger?

But he needs to know about any special equipment his new vanmate might require. So he takes a deep breath and asks, though hesitantly: "Sal, you said some things are hard for you to eat, and I saw some scar tissue on your jaw. So... how damaged is your mouth? Anything special I need to do so you can eat? And is there anything triggering I have to worry about doing around you?"

[salio]

"That's, like, super specific." He laughs slightly, trying to imagine this fat banana-mango-pineapple when Sebastian asks his follow-up question. There's definitely a hesitation, some slight tension to his shoulders, but nothing like the trauma of what he's just been through. Sal shakes his head.

"No, it's okay. Unless you plan on pointing a shotgun in my face you're not likely to trigger me." He clears his throat. That was kind of cryptic, wasn't it? "I'm missing roughly half of my mouth. Mostly just the skin--I've had a lot of reconstruction done but there's only so much you can do with a gaping hole."

Another pause. "A man attacked us--my mom and I, I mean, while we were relaxing in a park one day. I was really young, so I honestly don't remember it very well. For a long time, I'd been convinced we were attacked by a dog. The doctors saw the damage we took, though, and knew it was from a shotgun. I was told later that she shielded me from the blast--it's the only reason I'm still alive. She must've seen the gunman and stepped between us."

[elementsofchaos]

Another jolt of absolute horror twists Jovan's guts, and he really can't keep this one off his face, either. "Someone shot you... in the face?" He rakes a hand through his hair, trying to comprehend such a scenario even as his brain tries to reject it. A shotgun blast that ripped up half of Sal's face and did gods know what to his mother... and Sal said he was really young. He's not even that old to begin with!

He can't speak again for a minute or two, can barely breathe. How the fuck has Sal been through so much without losing his mind? And how hard does Jovan have to slap that cosmic asshole across the face for dumping so much chaos onto one person? Is Sal a black hole for bad luck? His presence might mean Jovan is screwed, but he's too far invested in this gentle kid and his cat to kick them out now.

Fuuuuuuck.

"So...." His voice cracks slightly, he coughs and tries again. "So you wear the mask to protect the scar tissue, and so people don't stare." No wonder Sal eats with it mostly in place, he probably figures Jovan will boot him to the street out of sheer disgust. No way. It will never happen. "All because some random nutcase decided to shoot a mom and her kid for no reason."